A strange feeling

This may be a little difficult to describe, as I  (Peter) don't even really understand it for now, but here goes. Ever since we have decided to adopt, it has felt as though we already have Hannah as a member of our family. Right now she is just in my imagination, and represents some hurdles (paper work and expenses), and blessings, (children are truly a blessing), and yet she seems so real, and already having an impact on our family.
 Coming into Christmas I asked Eli, if he can have anything he wanted, what would it be. He said "Hannah" and my heart just melted. I don't know where it came from as we hadn't been talking about Hannah that day, but it showed the purity of a child, and helped me put into perspective my priorities during the Christmas period.
 Another time I had to take out the car seats of the car, and couldn't help but notice we have one spot, right next to Sam that is looking for another car seat to fill. I can almost see Hannah at these times and yet, I could not describe it to you, apart from letting you know she is very beautiful.

                                            3 car seats with one spot left just asking to be filled!

 I have heard this experience called the "paper pregnancy". I used to think that was lame, but I am starting to understand. Its like God is preparing us (and our kids) for our family to expand. The hard thing for me is fighting the attachment. I have nothing to cling to in terms of an actual child, and yet I find myself wondering, is she born yet? Is her Mom pregnant with her? I rest in the knowledge that God has it all in His plan and that Hannah will come to us in His timing. I can't wait.... but I have to, so right now I will dream of my Hannah, and think of the time I will actually get to hold her. What a great day that will be.