Am I ready?

I have found myself (this is Peter), thinking a lot lately of all the things I can't do now because we are adopting. I know this is wrong, stupid even, and I know that I would actually rather adopt than any of these other things (usually superficial things), but that has been where my mind has wondered. We recently discovered that the road to get Hannah is going to be longer than expected, then told we should expect more obstacles and changes along the way. It just comes with the package deal of international adoption. I have started to consider am I able to do this. Not just the journey that comes with bringing Hannah home, but then, having another child, an adopted child from another culture, in our home. Am I ready?
  I am going through a study by James MacDonald  called "When life is hard". Last week he was talking about when trials come, our natural tendency is to move out of the way. Kind of like I have been thinking. We could just bail out on this, and things would seem so much easier, but then, is that the purpose of life? To be easier, to just get by. Part of me says I wish it was. But another part of my thinks of everything that is great in my life. Any great accomplishment. Was it easy? Of course not. That's what makes it great. Because it wasn't easy. Think about a marathon. Some of them even finish where they started. So you run for 26 miles only to end up 100 yards away. What's the point? It's hard. That's the point. That's why we do it. Deep down we know the reward is there when we can persevere through something, and the closer we got to bailing out, the more fulfillment we get when we push through that pain barrier and get there. I feel out of my depth doing this adoption. I feel like it stretches me to a point that I am not comfortable with. I am scared of what all could happen yet along this journey. What if there are issues with the paper work? What if we get to Ethiopia and they don't let us take Hannah home? What if this takes way longer than I expect? Can I deal with this roller-coaster of emotions? What if someone makes a racist remark to Hannah? Can I handle this? So many questions. There is one question I ask myself that always helps me keep going. Who is going to open their home to Hannah? God is asking us to do this. There is nothing else for us to do but keep going, because there is a little girl out there that needs a family. Our family. In working through all the ups and downs, its going to be all the more joyous to bring Hannah home.
 So back to the question am I ready? Truth is no. But truth is also that I know with God's help I will be, so we will keep going down this road. Getting our home ready for child no. 4. We are coming for you Hannah, and we can't wait to bring you home.