check, check

I (Kris) do enjoy a check off list. :-) This week has been very nice to be able to check off more paper work criteria. Yippe! Here is what we need in order to finish our Homestudy :

Two more interviews with our Social Worker - one is already scheduled!
We need to finish our physical exams
IRS 1040
Financial statement

It's coming, it's coming!!

I wont bring up what we need for our Dossier at this time. We are still working on that. It is taking shape and I keep trying to figure out a new filing system with more and more papers being done and the need for copies everywhere. Now - I'm understanding the name "paper chase" for this process.

Living Sacrifice?

I go to a Mens group every Friday morning (this is obviously Peter lol), and it has been extremely helpful to me as we have continued through this process. To be honest, the past few weeks I have still been nervous about proceeding down this adoption path, and as such have been stalling making progress in some of our steps (scheduling appointments, filling out paperwork etc). This week was the final week of our current study and there was a line that I think is a quote from A.W. Tozer that just spoke right to me. It was "the difficulty with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the alter". It made me laugh, and then nearly cry. You see, I was crawling off the alter, or at least thinking there has to be a better place to be and I didn't really realize it.
 What is more frustrating that when we finally humble ourselves to God and say, "Your way, not mine", the next day we have to do it all over again. I used to joke that I would like to be martyred. I am not trying to belittle martyrdom, not in the least, but there is something about being able to lay your life down once, and then not having to worry about it again.
  These last few weeks I have disappointed myself as I have been fighting (internally) what we should be doing. It's not fun for me, not fun for my family, and well, its not helping us get Hannah any sooner either, so I made a commitment to get out of the funk and go full court press in getting things done. What's amazing is since then, a few other road blocks have just moved. We need a notary for just about everything and anything, and someone from Eastwood bank who is a notary has said she is willing to come to the Doctors office to notorize documents there for us. Kris had tried to get an appointment as was told the soonest available was 2 and 1/2 months away. She has one for next week now thanks to our amazing PA (wish she was a doctor who could sign it) who also got the kids tested for TB today, yet another thing we need completed. Suddenly we are making real progress and I find myself scared again, ready to crawl off the alter, but this time I am noticing I feel that way, and am finding it easier to say no, this is where I want to be, need to be, and the only place that actually works, so I am trying to stay on the alter, keep God at the center of my life, and trusting that as I put my life in His hands he will take care of me. Its scary, but I am trying to think of it this way. What would life be away from the alter? The grass isn't greener on the other side. In fact, I don't even think there is grass over there. So I am staying put, and pressing on, knowing that in the end, God is in control, and I need to trust Him. Realistically, its hardly a sacrifice. Giving up a little, to gain life. Life to the full. Thanks for praying for us. It really helps us stay on task through this long, beautiful journey.

This song represents my last few weeks so well, particularly the ending. It kills me that they end with "where You go we will follow..... sometimes", but fact is, its true, that living sacrifice keeps crawling off the alter. Pray that we will be able to daily live it out, for Hannah, and for the kids God has already blessed us with, Eli, Joey and Sam. Love those little munchkins, and want more than anything to see them in God's Kingdom.

Rough week, strong kids

This week has been nothing short of an up hill climb for all of us. The end of March means busy times for Pete at work with the quarter closing. All the kids got sick within days of each other with high fevers, coughing. achy bodies, up during the night and running noses. (not to mention constant rocking times with each one or more) With all that mixed together, this is household of very exhausted and cranky parents.
I'm reminded of a marriage class we took after we had Joey. We met with our pastor after church one day and he mentioned to us that we were in survival mode. It was kinda like we were on an airplane that needed oxygen masks and there was only one available for the two of us and we kept fighting over the "mask" in order to breathe. Meaning, we kept fighting over who needs to take a break more than the other person. The weak trying to help the weak wasn't getting us very far. I'm grateful that the "old" pattern didn't last very long this time around.
Peter caught on fast to what was happening to us and instead of arguing and complaining suggested we ask God's help to change our attitudes. I wasn't quite willing to stop my "fighting" side and at the dinner table one night - while crabbing about something, Eli spoke up and said "Ma, God doesn't like it that you talk that way - Satan, get away."  Ouch but that's what I needed to hear. I went from yelling to crying in less than a second. I apologized for my bad attitude and asked God to change me. The week has still been difficult but my heart isn't so hardened toward my family anymore and that's a miracle in itself.
I wanted to put a video up of the boys "playing" one of their favorite songs from The David Crowder Band called "Let me feel You shine" but our camera isn't working. bummer. So, of course with Eli's strong encouragement I'll post the song for you. It's truly amazing how much your kids teach you as parents.

What can I say we are a musical family. :)
Through all the chaos of this week, we did have some good news  - We have one more Aussie in the family! It's true Samantha is now dual citizenship. Our Oz family will be tickled with the news. :)

Am I ready?

I have found myself (this is Peter), thinking a lot lately of all the things I can't do now because we are adopting. I know this is wrong, stupid even, and I know that I would actually rather adopt than any of these other things (usually superficial things), but that has been where my mind has wondered. We recently discovered that the road to get Hannah is going to be longer than expected, then told we should expect more obstacles and changes along the way. It just comes with the package deal of international adoption. I have started to consider am I able to do this. Not just the journey that comes with bringing Hannah home, but then, having another child, an adopted child from another culture, in our home. Am I ready?
  I am going through a study by James MacDonald  called "When life is hard". Last week he was talking about when trials come, our natural tendency is to move out of the way. Kind of like I have been thinking. We could just bail out on this, and things would seem so much easier, but then, is that the purpose of life? To be easier, to just get by. Part of me says I wish it was. But another part of my thinks of everything that is great in my life. Any great accomplishment. Was it easy? Of course not. That's what makes it great. Because it wasn't easy. Think about a marathon. Some of them even finish where they started. So you run for 26 miles only to end up 100 yards away. What's the point? It's hard. That's the point. That's why we do it. Deep down we know the reward is there when we can persevere through something, and the closer we got to bailing out, the more fulfillment we get when we push through that pain barrier and get there. I feel out of my depth doing this adoption. I feel like it stretches me to a point that I am not comfortable with. I am scared of what all could happen yet along this journey. What if there are issues with the paper work? What if we get to Ethiopia and they don't let us take Hannah home? What if this takes way longer than I expect? Can I deal with this roller-coaster of emotions? What if someone makes a racist remark to Hannah? Can I handle this? So many questions. There is one question I ask myself that always helps me keep going. Who is going to open their home to Hannah? God is asking us to do this. There is nothing else for us to do but keep going, because there is a little girl out there that needs a family. Our family. In working through all the ups and downs, its going to be all the more joyous to bring Hannah home.
 So back to the question am I ready? Truth is no. But truth is also that I know with God's help I will be, so we will keep going down this road. Getting our home ready for child no. 4. We are coming for you Hannah, and we can't wait to bring you home.

Friendships

Nicole, Karen, Missy, Vicky and Ethan, Me, Suzanne, Brandie, Heather and Josiah

Missing from the photo - Ruth, Faith, Anne, Stephanie, Karees and Jaime

 These Gals have been a huge help to me and my family during this adoption process. Most of them have been there from the very beginning and have been praying us through the process. This amazing group meets once a week at a coffee shop early Saturday mornings for about two hours. We vote on a book together and discuss it every week. We are starting a new book in April called, "You're Already Amazing" by Holley Gerth. (Has anyone read it before?)
This is truly my favorite activity of the week. Right when I walk out of the coffee shop doors I find myself eager to meet with them again for the next week. We all get to share our lives with one another and encourage each other. These women have been helping me to stay strong in my relationship with Christ and relationships around me. We are all learning to live with our whole hearts together.
I'm sharing them with you because I really believe that everyone needs godly, positive friendships in their lives. It really is a miracle when you find friendships that are easy to keep.
So, To my gal friends.... Thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to hear about your lives and for letting me share my life stories with you. The books have been great but I just love to be with you and leave my responsibilities for two hours.
We all have seen God working and changing our lives as we keep on meeting together. (It's Sooo much fun!) We are all different and yet we all want the same thing... to do well in life through Christ. (oh yeah - and we all want to get out of the house a time or two.)


Pete has been pretty busy lately as you can tell he wasn't able to write this past Thursday for us. All you "Peter fans" don't worry he'll be writing for this coming Thursday.

We have contact!

We now have a Family Coordinator and a Social Worker working with us. Oh it feels so good to be at this part. A lot of people call this time paper pregnancy. I (Kris) know about pregnancy and this is much better to go through than dealing with hormonal changes. Really the paperwork isn't that bad. It's understanding it all, that's the trick. But hey - that's why I have Peter. :) Even though he gets frustrated with me because I ask really simple questions he does a great job to make sure we both know what we are filling out. The most challenging issue now is finding the time to sit down to fill the papers out. The weekends work great for that - we'll tackle another chunk of it this weekend while the kids nap.
That's where we are at time point... Filling out our Homestudy, meeting with the Social worker and listening in on conference calls.
 One of the biggest questions people have asked us (and we have to answer this in our Homestudy) is Why overseas? Why Ethiopia? (Now, I'm wondering if you have been thinking those questions too.) Well - I'll do my best to explain.
Why international adoption? - I have always wanted to. When I married Peter and talked to him about it we thought that we would check out other options hear in the States. So I contacted an agency and received form to fill out to request for more information.While I filled out Peter's part I just couldn't fill my part in it. I really can't explain the reasoning but I felt as if my heart was aching inside. I just knew this was not what I was to be doing. I really wrestled with God and myself because I knew God wanted us to adopt but I couldn't feel peace about it. I wanted to do it but something was holding me back.
The main reason why it wasn't to be was because I had little Sam growing inside of me at that time. Yes, God does know everything that's happening. We found out we were pregnant and the adoption was no longer an issue at that point. After Samantha joined our family - the adoption bug hit again. This time I knew it was to be international and I was going to wait for God's leading this time. And look at how far we have come?
Now about Ethiopia ~ I didn't care where we went I just knew some little girl was going to be waiting for us to take her home. Peter on the other hand, had always loved Africa and to tell the truth we just fit all the requirements. A lot of the countries were out of the question because of the requirements that we couldn't meet. So, maybe you could say that Ethiopia chose us.
If anyone has any questions for us please feel free to leave a comment. We appreciate the questions and the support.
I have to share a link that a good friend sent to us on Facebook.

Diving in

We are really just at the beginning of this journey, and right now I (this is Peter) feel completely inadequate. At first I was consumed with the whole adoption process, everything before we bring Hannah home. This week we have been slammed with forms to fill out, checklists to fill out of all the forms to fill out, information to read, documents to get, things to do, enough to have my head spinning. I've been through 4 non-immigration visa's, 1 immigration visa, the green card process and the US citizenship process. Paper work does not scare me, but this is ridiculous. What has me feeling inadequate however is being a father to Hannah. Kris mentioned the training we went through last week. Some of this training really should be made available to everyone before they become a parent. It was some really great stuff. But then there was more education on issues that are specific to adoption and adopting a child internationally. Some of this I had thought of, but I am not sure I fully grasped the enormity of it all until we went through the training.
 Things like the medical issues that can come up through adopting a child from an institution, potential issues with not knowing the child's background prior to birth or after birth, to dealing with other people's response to you being an interracial  family. These are heavy topics, and it had me asking myself am I ready for this? The answer I found, is with God's grace I am.
 Two things hit me as I asked myself am I ready. Firstly, their are orphans out there who need families. The training showed me what an impact having a family can do for a child. I know their are good institutions out there that are providing for these kids, but the fact is, and studies have proven this, that an institution can not replace loving parents. Hannah needs a Mom and Dad, and we want to be her Mom and Dad. This is why we are doing this. Plain and simple.
 The second thing that hit me is that God's grace is all sufficient. He is asking us are we willing to open our home to Hannah, and He will helps us with everything we need, to do that. I am not talking about just bringing her home. I am talking about raising her, loving her. Being her family. Am I the perfect father? Far from it. But if I can learn to rely on the perfect Father (and this goes for being Hannah's dad as well as the 3 beautiful kids God has given us already), then I can be the best Dad for all of them that I can be. I think this is what God is trying to teach me through all this. Relying on Him. I am not able, but He is. It's terrifying and beautiful at the same time. Terrifying because I am way out of my depth. Beautiful, because its not my depth I have to worry about. God's grace is all sufficient. I know it, now to walk in it.