He has a plan

This week we were blown away with God's provision. It's funny how when we started out on this journey, I (this is Peter) planned out in my mind how God was going to provide for us. My first thought went to an opportunity I knew about at work, and that one of the ways God would provide would be through me getting that promotion. Well that didn't work, and I was a little down and confused as to how is this all going to work. Well, this week out of the blue, a check came in the mail from someone who felt led to send us the money to help us get Hannah home. It was such a beautiful reminder that God has ways of providing for us that we can not even imagine. It reminded me of a time when I was back in MT with YWAM when God showed just how awesome His provision is.
 I was driving a Discipleship training school team to the airport for an outreach, and passed through a town where the speed limit dropped from 65 to 30. Its was 3am, a town of maybe 2,000, so you know no-one was around... except the local cop, who caught me going 46 in the 30 zone. I was broke, and just didn't know how I was going to pay the fine. Luckily this is MT, and so the fine was only $125 for doing 16 miles over the speed limit, but never the less, I did not have $125.

 When I got home, I checked my mailbox, and actually found a letter (I got one maybe every 4 weeks, but checked it every day. I can't complain, I never wrote to anyone myself). In it was a check for $330 and a note saying "I was just praying to God asking what I should do with this money and felt led to send it to you". It was from a former student. What a perfect picture of God's provision and grace for us. Firstly, this came in the mail the same day I got the fine, so God had prompted someone to give, before I even had the need. Secondly, my need was $125, the check was almost 3 times that. What a perfect example of how God's grace is more than enough!
 Anyway, to make a long story even longer, the provision this week was a perfect reminder to me that God has a way of making things happen that are way beyond what I can think of as possible. I might have it all planned out in my head, but if things don't go the way I have mapped out, it doesn't matter, because God has a way planned, and I need to just trust Him in that. This weeks gift was a perfect reminder that God is watching over us, and He will help us bring Hannah home, in His timing and in His miraculous way. I can't wait to bring you home Hannah, and I can't wait to see how God is going to do it!

Tax time

I'm starting to think this is no longer our story but what we are seeing what God is doing around and in us. Every time that we look at all the details and the sacrifices we have to make in order for the adoption to even begin - well, lets just say it gets overwhelming.
For example, it's tax time and that usually means refunds for us because of our kids. Peter did a rough look over things and wasn't very impressed with what he thought was coming back. That's when a little panic started to set in for us. Peter usually does our taxes but because of the adoption and having to record everything we wanted to make sure we did everything right.
This past Monday we had our taxes done by a wonderful Accountant in town. To our surprise the money coming back to us and the money from my work is the exact amount we need to send off our first bunch of papers and to start our second phase. So many times I get all worked up inside just to see that God had already figured everything out.
So for now - we wait until the tax money comes into our bank account and then we send off our agreement papers, start our online training and wait to hear from the agency for the next "to do list". I wish I could post a picture of us sending off the files but that will come in time. (just like everything else)

 

This is our winter fun while we wait for ...

everything.

A strange feeling

This may be a little difficult to describe, as I  (Peter) don't even really understand it for now, but here goes. Ever since we have decided to adopt, it has felt as though we already have Hannah as a member of our family. Right now she is just in my imagination, and represents some hurdles (paper work and expenses), and blessings, (children are truly a blessing), and yet she seems so real, and already having an impact on our family.
 Coming into Christmas I asked Eli, if he can have anything he wanted, what would it be. He said "Hannah" and my heart just melted. I don't know where it came from as we hadn't been talking about Hannah that day, but it showed the purity of a child, and helped me put into perspective my priorities during the Christmas period.
 Another time I had to take out the car seats of the car, and couldn't help but notice we have one spot, right next to Sam that is looking for another car seat to fill. I can almost see Hannah at these times and yet, I could not describe it to you, apart from letting you know she is very beautiful.

                                            3 car seats with one spot left just asking to be filled!

 I have heard this experience called the "paper pregnancy". I used to think that was lame, but I am starting to understand. Its like God is preparing us (and our kids) for our family to expand. The hard thing for me is fighting the attachment. I have nothing to cling to in terms of an actual child, and yet I find myself wondering, is she born yet? Is her Mom pregnant with her? I rest in the knowledge that God has it all in His plan and that Hannah will come to us in His timing. I can't wait.... but I have to, so right now I will dream of my Hannah, and think of the time I will actually get to hold her. What a great day that will be.

a little random week

  There isn't a day that goes by that we are not thinking about Hannah or her adoption process. We really are tip toeing our way at the start. This past weekend my Mom took the boys over night and while that was happening Pete and I played cards and then put Sam to bed (early). We then took out our first pack of papers that we need to read and sign. It really was a great time to sit and do this together - but we are not able to send in the papers until our taxes come back. We need $1,500 for this paper work and then $200 for an online training session -which takes ten hours to view. So while we wait to do this - I took a picture of most of the countries that America World works through.

The letter on the top in the middle (the one you can't read) is the list of all our paper work we will be needing to get done after we send in the papers we have now. So many people have done this trail before it's nice to know they made it through the other side. We are just about ready to take the first step into the "woods" "bush" whatever you want to call it.
      I have to mention one more thing that happened to us last week. Our church was hosting an evening for couples to learn about "Men are like Waffles and Women are like Spaghetti" with Bill and Pam Farrel. Here is a little clip of their talk (okay it's actually ten minutes but it goes really fast.) :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1-cyNkNoRk

We had a great time there learning a lot and becoming more sensitive with one another and understanding a whole heck more of each other.
But what I want to share was who we met there. Have you ever noticed someone that you think you have met and it drove you crazy until you did something about it?  Across the very very crowded room I saw a couple that I thought I knew. After awhile I realized they were a couple that had just adopted two children from Ukraine. So I have never met them but "felt" like I did. I elbowed Pete and told him about my excitement which he was a little confused of because I never mentioned them before. Peter plowed our way to them and we introduced ourselves to them and talked a bit about adoption. Mike and Melanie are a lovely couple and very kindhearted. We are so glad that we got to met them.
That might not mean a lot to some that are reading this but when you choose adopt you find yourselves in another family group that understands your excitement and fears without having to voice them. It was another reassuring area for us. (plus it was my favorite part of the evening) 
So long, until next Thursday.

Getting the right perspective

So it's my turn to write the blog (this is Peter by the way). For someone who is very opinionated and has a lot to say, I find it hard to believe it has taken me until now to write in a blog, who would have figured huh?
 Back in 2000, I decided I would surrender my life completely to God (this was a long process, but I finally got there in 2000). I had plans for my life, but I decided I would prefer what God had for me instead, and so far, so good. Not that it has all been plain sailing, far from it in fact, but that's part of why I love being fully submitted to Him. Its always stretching and exciting.
  As a result, when we were praying about adopting and I couldn't get past how much this whole thing would cost, and how it was not for us (yet know it was), I found myself excited by the prospect of once again being forced into a place that has me completely relying on God to get by, which is where I love to be. I wish making that decision meant all my days I would be resting in the knowledge that God is in compete control, but I am afraid for me its the opposite... sort of. For me, its as if every step I take, I feel as if the next step will take me over a cliff. Faith for me has not been knowing God will catch me as I step out, but despite being worried I will fall, I step out anyway, because God told me to. He has caught me every time, but the process is not so much fun, and yet seeing God be so faithful, despite my doubts, is the only way I want to live my life. Seeing His faithfulness despite my lack of confidence in His faithfulness is such a beautiful thing. I wrote a song about this once. The last lines kind of sum it up. "Sometimes, I don't know where You are, and when I look to the heavens I only see stars, but I know who You are". The thought of not stepping out is far scarier to me than anything else. I know God, and I know His plans are for good, hence, we have started this adoption process, and I feel ready to fall.

                                       Love makes  you do Crazy things, just ask our boys!

 On Sunday morning before church, Pastor Steve must have sense my fear and he asked me how I was doing. I shared how I have been just getting through each day and was freaking out about the adoption process. I was relying on God to get by, but all I was doing was surviving, no more. He prayed for me quickly, and off we went to worship. I was leading worship and had picked the song Grace like rain. Singing the final verse (from Amazing grace) about being in heaven 10,000 years later, I was struck with how eternal things are really all that matter. I was worried about temporal things, that, when you really look at it, are insignificant. This is when I truly realized that I shouldn't be just getting through each day, but living life to the full. No longer surviving, but thriving. Great to realize, but hard to live out. This was the first service.
  Fast fwd to right before the 3rd service, and I was speaking to someone who has adopted. They happened to mention in front of their now 18 year old son, how they were "pretty glad we did it" with a little wink. It was a little thing, but had me thinking about what I would be thinking about Hannah when she is that age. I am leading worship and singing Grace like rain again, when we hit the final verse again, and the eternal aspect of adopting a child into your family hit me. Mary Beth Chapman calls it, a "forever family". I suddenly had an image of worshiping in heaven with my family with me, Kris, Eli, Joey Sam and Hannah. Talk about a terrible time to be hit with such an image. Here I am leading worship in front of 300 people and I started crying, and you know how your voice doesn't really hold pitch when you cry, yeah that was me. Possibly one of the most beautiful images I have ever seen in worship (not that I could actually see it, if that makes sense), and I was totally overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. I kind of went crazy when we hit the Hallelujah part in the chorus. Kind of happens to me when I am passionate about something. I just have to let it explode out. Just watch some football with me sometime. Sorry about that if it was weird for anyone at church, but, well, I am not really sorry. I was just trying to give God everything I had, which is why I was singing with everything I had, and which is why we are following His call for us to adopt Hannah. Being obedient to Him is not always logical, but it sure is exciting, and fulfilling. Now if I could only work out how to do this without freaking out internally throughout the whole journey. Either way, I know I am going to continue to keep stepping forward in this process, knowing God is with us all the way.

The Help (ers)

  

Last Fall my friend, Suzanne, sent on e-mail out about wanting to see the movie "The Help", on a Friday night. I don't remember the last time I was at a movie theater but I needed to get out of the house and the title sounded like it was what I had to have. I'm not sure I can I enjoyed the movie, based on the issues, but I can say it was very well acted. This entry isn't about the movie topic but what happened after it. Before we left the seated area I noticed my former employers that I haven't seen since having kids.
Ted and Loretta Neher were there celebrating their anniversary and taking a break from their own work. They have always been special to me throughout a portion of my life. They have helped me with work before Youth With a Mission and after. More importantly, they have provided a listening ear, great advise and growth in my relationship with Jesus.
While at the movie theater we tried to catch up on each others lives as fast as we could. Learning very quickly that our "meeting up" might not have been by chance but by the Lord. We might be able to help one another out again. They needed just a little bit of extra hands with the work load and I needed to get out of my house more often for sanity sake also with the intention of saving all the money for the adoption funds.
Now Hannah's bear bank is getting filled with some cash that is purposely meant for getting her home. Without this opportunity with the Nehers we wouldn't have been able to send in our first application fees. It's truly amazing how everything hooked up perfectly and timely.
I wanted to make sure I shared them in this journey because they have been a big part of it already. It takes a lot of people and prayers to come together for getting Hannah home.
Thank you, Ted and Loretta for believing in us and wanting orphan's to find a forever home. Your work has touched so many lives in too many way to even count. I hope you are able to see the difference you are truly making in other peoples lives just because you have opened your door to others. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I can't wait until the day you get to see Hannah for the first time.

Oh and Thank you for humoring me by letting me take your pictures. :)

Join the Ride.

    I don't really understand blogging or how to write on it. I have a really annoying habit to write in third person when I want to get a story out. If I use this as a journal then it ends up being prayers not really meant for others to see. Hmm, so please bear with me as I figure this out over time.
   I really want to put a face to Hannah like an ultrasound photo of course I don't have one and she may not even be born yet. It's a very weird feeling to feel pregnant with thoughts of a little girl. Some days I think I can smell her or feel her soft check on my face. That's how much my heart is being pulled to do this process. Peter thinks I'm crazy when I talk like that - but I'm really not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable -I think it's just a way that God is using to keep me from over thinking about it and pulling out.
  I want something physical to remind me of her - I went out and bought Hannah a piggy bank. I'll try to put a picture of it sometime. Each one of our kids has their own bank that they put coins or birthday money in. Eli has a Noah's Ark from Uncle Chris and Aunt Kirri, Joey has a white piggy bank from ... well, the bank gave it to him when he was born (maybe because we had to take a loan out from his birth), Sam has an elephant that Peter picked out for her and Hannah's is a yellow bear that plays the song "It's a small world" when money goes into it.
Since I don't have a photo of her I'll put up our family photo we sent in to with our application.

oh - wow - I can't believe we got into the program with this quick shot of us. Maybe it's because of Pete's shirt. It's true he is a great dad. :-) We mailed this photo the same day we took it. Do you know how difficult it is to take a picture with kids and trying to get everyone looking at the camera? A memory in the making, I guess.
Here is a picture of the banks I was talking about.

I think Hannah's is so big because she costs so much more. :) Every time we get overwhelmed by the costs - we are reminded that "It is a small world after all".