Singing Along

So if you have been following along with our journey, you would know there have been some ups and downs already, with the last 2 weeks being a pretty big down, but even through that, there have been some moments when the light just breaks through, and we have been able to bask in the light and enjoy it. That is what I think I want to share with you this week, because, quite frankly, this is just something I need to remember as well.
 2 weeks ago on Sunday we were driving home from our meeting with the social worker. A 2 hour meeting had gone for 5 hours, and felt beaten up, worn down, and very very tired. We were wondering were we doing the right thing, were we ready for this? We had grabbed Steven Curtis Chapman's CD recreation to listen to on the ride up and it was still playing in the car as we traveled home, but only in the background. I can't remember if I clicked to the song or if it just happened to come up, but the song "long way home" was playing. The first few lines really some up how we were feeling.
 I set out on a great adventure, the day my Father started leading me home
 He said there's gonna be some mountains to climb and some valley's were gonna go through.
 But I had no way of knowing, just how hard this journey would be
 'Cause the mountains are steeper and the Valleys are deeper than I ever would have dreamed.

This song has been so special to us along this journey, and no moment more than as we were heading home, feeling like we were in a valley. The specific moment though I want to share is this, and it's a beautiful example of why I love my wife and why I am so happy to be with her. We were wiped. Emotionally drained, and then as I turned up the music to listen to the song, we both busted out in unison singing the song with everything we had, desperately hoping to believe exactly what we were singing would be true (that we will make it). After the song finished, I hit back and we did it all over again. It was raw (voices weren't exactly hitting all the notes) but it was truly from the heart, and lifted our spirits, even if only for a short time. I wish I could say then it was all fine and dandy after that, but it hasn't been, but we know one thing, we need to keep going on, its just a long way home. It is so true, and we need to keep standing on that.
 I have the song below, and if you are going through a tough time right now, I encourage you to listen to the song. "I know we're gonna make it. I know we're gonna get there soon. And I know, sometimes it feels like we're going the wrong way. but it's just a long way home", and home truly is a beautiful place. Belt it out with everything you have. It's freeing.

Are we really like that?

Well, we met with our social worker this past Sunday. Afterwards we both felt pushed to the ground. Our social worker is a wonderful lady and very helpful and practical and willing to speak her mind. Which we do appreciate. I (Kris) guess we have never thought about what our family looks like from the outside. I have to admit when she retold me, my story, I felt like saying "these people are crazy to be adding to their family".
Yes, we have been married for 6 years and have had three children close together. Yes, we don't earn a ton of money. But - I know that our marriage had been through tough issues and has still come out on top. (Thanks to God!) and I know the money we make pays for our bills and we even do have a little left over for giving to others. (That's because God is always providing for us.)
We were told to think about postponing our adoption until we are in our 40's and starting another family. I'm sure that works for people - but - we want our kids to grow up together around the same stages in life. Maybe I'm too selfish and I want them to be close so they can share the same interests and stages in life because it's easier for me. I don't want to put this off. I don't want to wait until I have to choose between "buying a boat" or adopting a child. Haven't people all around us been telling us that adopting is hard. What better of time to do it when we are younger and have kids that will welcome her with open arms and hearts.
So after having my world of Hannah shaken and stirred. Feeling like I have to "let her go" ~ Peter reminded me that there is still a little girl waiting for us to bring her home and we have to trust God's leading, push through the doubts, keep going and not give up.

Even though this is an upbeat song ... I'm not quite "up" there yet. But it's a very hopeful song. ~ Enjoy