It's been about a year when we sent our adoption application papers to our agency. Even though we have not finished all our paperwork yet - there has not been one day that doesn't pass by that I have not thought about Hannah. I find myself getting anxious and a little annoyed that we are still waiting for our side of the papers to be finished. Over and over I try to tell myself to calm down... everything is fine and everything is in process and I just have to wait for the right timing of things.
You see, I have this crazy problem that I keep thinking I have four children right now. Oh I know when we do the head count there are only three... but I just keep thinking there is one more child to put a jacket on and shoes. One more bowl for breakfast cereal. In fact I was taking out the Christmas decorations and I kept looking for another stocking, not really thinking who's stocking I was looking for but I was getting upset that I couldn't find it. I then read all the names on the stockings and realized they were all counted for. One thing that did help me was that last year I did keep an extra ornament for Hannah and even put her name and date on it. Not knowing or remembering I did that a year around finally made sense in my heart.
These thoughts might be considered crazy or private but this Momma wants her child to know that even if I can't hold her close to me now she is in my thoughts everyday and she is in my heart always just like the rest of my children.
Oh I know I know --- there is still a very long way to go but - honestly with all the birthday celebrations in November and the holidays begging for family times I can't help but yearn for the one that is not here.
Thanksgiving will be held at our house this year and believe me... with our house packed with relatives ~ I will still be thinking of her wondering if she can feel my love and Joy for her.
I'll share some birthday party fun we have been having this month...
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